Special People

Yesterday, I was struck with the notion of defining a special person in our lives. It first started with a person online who had to grapple with the actions of her previous partner. She was worried that he had never considered her as a special person in his life, and that his current actions served to prove that she is currently nobody special. Later on, I was myself caught in a web of confusion and possibly deceit over someone special in my life as well. I was forced to confront what make this person in my life special too.

There are of course many different, and probably an infinity of ways we tell someone how special they are in our lives. These reasons span from similiar identification, common hobbies or interests, shared understanding, homogenous backgrounds, individual care and concern for the other, exceptional love or psychic connections. Sometimes we treat everyone as special and sometimes we only consider a very possible few to be truly special in our histories.

There is, of course, a paradox. Everyone is special. We all know each other to be different and idiosyncractic from everyone else. But why, I am interested to know, is it so important to be considered as a special entity in someone else's lives? Are we purely demanding such treatment from a competitive basis (i.e. I have to be more special than the other "special" people)? Are we truly seeking a spiritual and psychic-like connection with someone else in our lives, and if so, is that priviledge truly allocated to a selected few (or only one person, ala a soul mate)? What benefits do we gain from attaining such a status? To bask in our own individuality or to assert ourselves as human beings?

Even in very collectivistic cultures or societies, or even small tight social groups, I like to think the members still hope to be endowed some special recognition, despite trying their best to conform to the status quo. It is also, I think, a fundamental human aspect to not only seek a status of speciality but also find others who we like to call "special" in our lives. Though the standards and criteria varies among all of us, and as much as we aim to strive for the equality of treatment among all our peers, indeed some do exceed our barest expectations and require us to acknowledge them as different from the "rest".

For what it is worth, this fundamental element in our lives doesn't have to be competitive. We sometimes are not recognised for the special beings that we are, and thats perhaps a fact all of us have to handle in our lives. A special status in someone's lives can never be demanded and we are left to ponder about our own role in the lives of our peers, family members and significant others. A special status is merely the importance of your existence and, I would add, the freedom of expression (not merely verbal) attached to that importance. That right of expression of your character, desires and values comes to be accepted as a critical aspect of yourself which people should not deny and not just accept, but fully attempt to understand as well.

The special people in our lives (and I denote this term with no inverted commas), are the ones we have not only a common linkage with (I don't think this is prerogative though), but we come to truly accept and understand for all their complex and multifaceted nature. I like to think the special people I have in my life (however minimal they are), share a totally different sphere of experience not commonly found in others, made up by our own fastidious and compulsive exploration of each other and with our own potent recipe of emotional cocktail (mixed with love, hate, jealousy, frustration, joy, misery and compassion) that truly forces us to recognise the impact these people have in our lives.

The special people in our lives, we learn to cherish in our own ways.

Postscript: This post is dedicated to the one whom I always deem special, though the favour is not returned. And also to the one who started the search for me.