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Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Against My Own Sex

"Marriage is for women the commonest mode of livelihood, and the total amount of undesired sex endured by women is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution."

Bertrand Russell
Marriage and Morals
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The above quote may appear odd in light of my own entry today (NB: it should also be noted that the context of the quote is different from my entry but nevertheless, shares similiar assumptions). But there's a reason I have taken this quote to illustrate my point of view of the unruly and disappointing attitude of some members of my own sex. The background to my statement lies in the growing dissatisfaction men now have to deal with in the dating with the opposite sex. Due to the rising number of educated women, some men nowadays have turned to vilifying and demeaning the "characteristic" attitudes of "modern" women, especially in a modernistic affluent highly-educated society like Singapore, this ostentious "backlash" has produced some unimaginable social phenomena (e.g. more men marrying foreign brides, or going abroad to indulge in prostitution).

One particular thread has infuriated me. The incipient article is, first of all, a tabloid piece. Nobody should take it seriously, even if the women interviewed volunteered unfavourable comments on our fellow men. What seems undeniable unjustifiable are the following replies ("And I thought men and women are equal. If women can lose the ability to cook and clean, why can't we do the same with opening doors and carry bags.", "I agree, we should learn from our vietnamese counterpart and start smacking them womenfolk coz they think we're simply not tough enough"), in addition a picture that one can only say is the work of a misogynist and should be outrightly censured. There is something only so unspeakable about men who think or support such abject misconceptions about women that they deserve to be beaten for speaking up, even if what they say is unpleasurable to hear.

Men will do no better in listening to their own voices, and start refuting the absurb notions about women that conquer our struggle for traditional masculinity and patriarchy. Even if one were to accept the accounts about contemporary women challenging the traditional male dominated role in the family household, to only kick, whine and bicker about this "enmity" is a display of childishness and reckless derogation. If men were to wish to assuage their own fears, they can start by looking at themselves in the mirror and to question their unfounded beliefs about women today. That form of self-criticism will at least be a lot more constructive than applying deleterious labels on females in an attempt to allay their comments or pacify them altogether.

6 Comments:

  • At 10:48 PM, Blogger compassioNAT said…

    Cheers! finally, a man who understands!

    that russell guy..the one who came up with the silly quote is spewing shit. forgive me for my language ;) (i'm not a vulgar person..haha)

    taking it out of context alittle, i cant say singaporean women are all saints but look at our men! for the most part, they're just MCPs with egos larger than their houses. i still cant stand the fact that local men go for foreign brides, (i mean they cant even communicate)and have so many special 'requests'. That is so demeaning to us womenfolk.

     
  • At 2:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I once read an article in the Straits Times about the increasing trend of wives castrating their husbands in Thailand, and I think there was a TV programme about domestic abuse. It seems like both men and women are guilty of domestic violence.

    At any rate, I find the media has warped the feminist movement into a bastardized shadow of it's original self. Instead of working towards gender equality, it seems to promote mutual derogation, with blanket statements like "Singaporean men are MCPs" and "Singaporean women aren't ladylike" and sometimes worse, thrown about freely. Not to mention the childish bickering from both sides in the forum section after the article on Singapore women marrying foreigners.

    I find the biggest irony is that while the media portrays a society whose men and women can't get along (which may or may not be true), tolerance for the alternative - homosexuality is surprisingly low. But instead of reconciling their differences, they seem more content to sit on their own sides of the fence and sling more mud at each other.

    - x|aO^ciNz

     
  • At 9:56 PM, Blogger Douglas Evans said…

    Actually, I think there are men out rhere who "understand". We can't confess to ever understanidng what it will ever be like in a ladies' shoes, but I think it is imperative that men be sympathetic to the causes of female equality and empowerment.

    I think the Bertrand Russell quotation is misplaced or not well-articulated. Russell was a British philsopher who championed womens' rights in the early nineties. What he saw were women being reduced to domestic slaves because there were little economic opportunities for them in the world which were dominated by patriarchs who believe that women only deserve to be wives (housewives) and nothing more. Russell then discussed that marriage becomes an institutionized "domestic tool" and that women become subjugated even in marriage. In one essay, he exclaims at how he knew of a woman who died giving birth because she was forced to have sex with her husband and deliver 7(or 9) children.

    Think of it this way. The foreign wives who are married to the Singaporean men, would they be considered as freely independely making that choice or being coerced (in some form or another) to marry someone in barely a few months and expected to rise a family?

    Xiao, I totally agree on the tolerance for homosexuality bit. I think they deserve a more fair share and representation in the public media. I think the ST has a tendency to reduce complex arguments about gender, marriage, romance and contemporary modern working lifestyles to simplistic mud-throwing from one camp to another. Still, this is a country where romance even has to be promoted on a national campaign so perhaps that's the level of maturity we might expect from some of its participating citizens.

     
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