Should this be cause for concern?
I am too lazy to blog a lengthy entry for now, but I thought this interesting article should provoke some discussion. It's kind of a follow-up to my previous post.
You're a Pain, but let's get Married Anyway
The heading is probably too strong, but it doesn't detract from the findings adduced.
Update: My thoughts ( from the comments page)
You're a Pain, but let's get Married Anyway
The heading is probably too strong, but it doesn't detract from the findings adduced.
Update: My thoughts ( from the comments page)
3 Comments:
At 3:56 AM,
Rebecca said…
sigh..isn't tis pathetic?why,they get married for the sake of marrying?since we r on tis subject,y r there so many divorces?they dun try to work things out?it's the same person they fell in love with yrs ago.y can't they recall what makes them want to get married in the 1st place?
At 1:16 PM,
Douglas Evans said…
No need for peace offering, I always welcome comments.
I think anyone, being an intuitive sociologist, can easily figure out the reasons regarding this social phenomena. In yanmonster's LJ blog, others have commented on social policy and pressure as two main push factors. Then elsewhere, someone encapsulated the conformist attitude which explains the vulnerability in succumbing to social policies, peer pressure and conservative ideals of family and lifestyle.
I will refrain from talking about the social factors that contribute to this malady. Not that it isn't interesting, but for once, I will describe what I personally observed as a kind of missing clue to our puzzlement and to demonstrate a different kind of attitude to marriage and companionship.
Recently, my previous room-mate got married to her Australian boyfriend as a means to get her PR. Now she is quite young (just turned 23 I believe) and as for her relationship, she couldn't have known the guy for more than 3 years considering that's her length of studying. Contrast with what I have heard from Singaporeans (my accounts are from friends, other family members, etc), there seems to be an economic drive in marriage. Mainly as long as people are relatively wealthy and independent, they can get married despite either not having a well-established relationship, or not necessarily being the "dream husband/wife" they always wanted.
Now I don't necessarily support the decision my previous room-mate made (In fact, if I had the opportunity, I would ask what she thinks are the odds of their marriage surviving the ends of time). For one, the couple don't even live together because they seem to have grave problems cohabitating. Two, the husband is not exactly working. So one can easily see there are serious issues of concern for the couple.
But I can't deny that perhaps there is one missing element that I find in them that is profoundly very scarce in the Singaporean relationships I heard. Namely, they still find themselves geninuely happy, satisfied and contend with each other, serving as the basis for the maintenance of their relationship in the future. It's remarkable the amount of confidence they have in each other that they will pull through eventually.
Now nobody can predict if they will ever be together for life. Maybe they might be divorced in a few months, or years. But I think importantly, it doesn't matter. For the two of them, it's not the "black mark" they have on their records which will deter them from committing themselves to the sacred vows of a marriage, it's the fact that they know, for better or worse, they love each other and even if things failed, at least they tried.
Overall, I think Singaporean's conception of love is strangely conditional. Now love, one can say, does depend on conditions. standards and ideals of course, but I think the Singaporean conception of "conditions" is one that is largely anarchiac and narrow. It's typically founded on the kind of social class, financial status and social standing your partner belongs to. Strange as it seems, even our relationships have become "meritocratic". I may even suggest, comparatively speaking, how different is it from the caste system?
I am reminded of the time I had a disagreement with a Singaporean friend of mine who was planning to dump her boyfriend because she felt he had no prospect (he did have a job, mind you). Did I mention she meant no prospect to own anything asides from a HDB flat? To be fair, she was now climbing the social ladder and she felt held back by his lower class status. Her family members had explicitedly asked her when she was going to be finished with her boyfriend of 6 years.
I suggested that in light of the fact she was worried about her boyfriend's future career, that she simply advised and relayed to him her worries and encouraging him to improve. But somehow, all that didn't matter as long as he wasn't able to afford a private residence, a luxurious honeymoon in the Bahamas or upkeep her collection of Gucci and Louis whatever bags.
I don't want to suggest every Singaporean relationship is that way, in fact that would be an incredulous insult. Rather, I have seen how satisfying and fulfilling simple relationships can be, and to me, there's no reason others can't enjoy the same benefits if they simply trust themselves into accepting these maxims. If people are able to see that love doesn't come with a price, we probably will find ourselves living that simple bliss we all dream of.
At 10:43 PM,
compassioNAT said…
good topic trowa,
perhaps this is the reason why divorces are on the rise..these couples didnt marry for the right reasons to begin with...
its quite different in the past where our grandparents were matchmade and despite being strangers, they somehow got married, had children and actually developed a love and respect for their partners along the way.
these days i guess expectations are drastically different..i cant speak for the majority of singaporean but i really cant bring myself to marry someone i'm unsure about. Marriage is a union of souls not bank accounts!
Post a Comment
<< Home